Today I’m getting personal in this post. My world’s changing all around me; in my mind. It’s not a real, tangible change you can see but that of the mind.I think it’s safe to say most of us know the journey to adulthood is windy, messy and down right confusing. You almost come to a point at which you just laugh at yourself. Asking at the end of the day, “anything else you want to do to make a fool of yourself?” Whatever the circumstances, at least I can say I’ve perfected the skill of being able to laugh at myself. Before I move any further I must forewarn you, I’m about to get really personal. Don’t stop reading though, you know you’re a little nosey, deep down. Maybe.
I’m on a journey every 20 year old is, across the country. What might that be, you ask? The old as time journey of growing up. I mention quite often how confusing this chapter in my life is. Reason being, I change my mind every month. Who am I kidding, right down to the day. I change my mind about what I want to do with my life, who I want to be with, what I like, what I don’t like. That’s part of growing up. You have to discover who you are.
Don’t get too carried away though. Just when you think you know, you’ll change your mind again. 😉 I spent this fall and winter experiencing the world more than I had previously in my short time on this earth. As you might know from my last post, I spent several months shooting beauty pageants. This experience stretched, molded and encouraged me to grow in more ways I’d imagine it could.
I traveled to a couple states I’ve never been to before, met a lot of new faces and learned a couple of life lessons along the way, in addition to new found knowledge about photography. It was a rewarding experience for someone as young as I. Sometimes the best way to grow is to do things that scare you most and immerse yourself into the real, raw, unplanned world. Books can’t teach you that. People can’t prepare you for it. When it’s all said and done, the best way to learn is to just go out and experience.
I’m confused because I’ve stumbled upon a wealth of new experiences that make me question myself and previous thought. It’s the most peculiar thing. I’ve gone most of my life thinking one way, but then in a split second, it all changed for me in a moment. Perhaps what I’m trying to convey to you, is that I feel enlightened. Through the new challenges I’ve been pushed to overcome and sometimes quite uncomfortable situations, I’ve gained new perspective. At this point I’m trying to take it all in, as it’s quite a lot. I hope to bottle up the things I’ve learned and remember them in the future when they’re useful.
If I could speak to my younger self, I’d warn of the coming confusion. I’d tell myself to know very well it will come but not to be afraid of it, embrace it instead. You see, we can’t stop the inevitable. Change and confusion will come, whether we want it to or not. If anything else, I know this. There’s no sense in ever fighting either of these things, as it’s just the natural course of life.
So if you feel as though you’re drowning in confusion and change, don’t fight it just let it run it’s course. I used to try and control change, right down to controlling who I was and who I’d become. I was afraid; but there’s no sense in this. If change brings you pain, ride it out. The sun will shine brighter when it’s over. If change leaves you in fear, ride it out things will make sense sooner than you imagine. Whatever plagues you, ride it out because it will get better, appear clearer and reveal itself to you. So I will wait, ride it out, and see where life takes me. I’ll find comfort in knowing a new brighter day is coming.